This is sort of the part two to the poem "Awakening." If you read that one, you know I had 12 miscarriages before I was able to have my children. Doctors diagnosed me with lupus anacoagulate and prescribed a daily baby aspirin to thin my blood, plus weekly injections of a drug called Pregnol (I'm unsure of the spelling) that is extra doses of the pregnancy hormone that women produce naturally when pregnant. It worked. Finally, after so many losses, I had a huge happy baby inside me. This was to her, Victoria.....
nearing month seven, out of the safe numb
i am finally learning and loving you.
you twist and kick
while we tap conversations
through my tight white skin.
i grin and giggle. you ham it up.
and upon sitting here, feeling your bold
and impatient dance within me
it occurs that you
are nothing new.
you have been here
all summer, while i painted my mind white
and hung on to the comfort of sleep
you were here and i was not.
all autumn, while i endured the needles and the hope
pretending that i could ever have a child
and violently ill with the chance of it
you were strong and healthy
and i was the death in the dark.
and now, fat with the truth of you
i feel your wild, happy life
continuing inside me.
i am amazed
at how wise you've been, all along
growing and blooming
in the belly of the stone.
i, the blind beginner
loved you through my layers
the child was fine. the mother
readies to be born.
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All works on this site Alicia Bayer unless otherwise noted.
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